Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
