FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
