went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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