I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
