This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
