And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
