I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
