I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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