Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
