Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i permit you to call me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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