he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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