I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
