Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
FUCK WHALES
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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