you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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