Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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