I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
