Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
