Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
