Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
