Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
