He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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