dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
