Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
