know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
God, I missed his penis.
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