My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
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I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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