my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
