i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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