I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
