I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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