idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
