It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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