Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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