Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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