This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
