you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
