I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
