Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
