I like to think it a success when the cops are called
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
