Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
