dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
