I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
