PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
