Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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