Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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