Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
