can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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