mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
