I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
