Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
