Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize