don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize