I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
are you still alive?
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone