she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT