I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
