We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you would pick up someone in the library
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
