Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
