this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
