we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
