the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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