If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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